//
come and go as a dream
my beautiful youth, that I never learned how to feel.
//
old song, different november
i feel my youth leave my frail frame
oxymoronic i reckon
for i never felt it within me
till it began to slip away
same eyes, a pond of memories
muddy and riddled with fog
happiness dotted as fireflies on top
yet, an unseasoned angler
i gaze at the string, down deep
finding reasons to seek another dream
i heard a piano sing me to sleep
i felt the hand of a painter caress my cheek
just like that, i’m a child again
in a room, blue and in bloom
wondering whether the story i wrote
was ever my own
i catch myself
charting constellations of your name
unknowingly
across the dark winter sky
i see your face and your voice
when i drink my tea and sigh
it’s a ritual of you in my mind
one that i am against
yet i’m dragged into it
by the same string that tied me to that ghostly pond of haze
i want to go, but my heart pulls out a sword
i’m scared of battles i’ve never won
my greatest folly when it comes to you
is my strategy
of lying in wait
wait for what
heavens, that i too not know of
for i’ve known all too well
the significance of my ephemeral feet
standing on these ancient ground where all of us lay
i say i wish you happiness
and i truly do
but when it’s late and my mind is frayed
i look up and yell
i wish it was me
in a reality
where you chose to stay
where i could hold onto my promises
of sleepovers and playing games
all the songs are still about you
come and go as a dream
i put you on me
and try to see
perhaps
even if it’s a distant vision of my sleep
in this world
you see me
the way i bared my eyes
to you, my greatest tragedy
my eternal muse of what could’ve been.
ever so childish is the growth in my heart
for i beg for another chance to be seen
beyond the veils of moonlight we don’t remember
as a brilliant sun, a blooming flower
a vibrant blue that you’d proudly paint a canvas with
no bars and no wars
in a decade of peace
just you and me
nothing and everything in between
this is treacherous
this is wretched
my mind is not mine
and i walk away from the morals i stand
the moment my quill hits the parchment
with you and only you, guiding my hand
disinhibited like a june summer
i curse and yell at everybody who had the privilege of holding you, knowing you
telling them to go fuck themselves
knowing fully well i have no hold on you
i don’t think i can ever hate you
i’d love you even if you pulled the trigger
i’d love even if you cause my eternal slumber
say if i ever did open my mouth
would you curse at me
or gaze, incredibly disturbed
or look away, ignorant of my turmoil
not even remembering me
i don’t want to know
i think i know
what i am to you and you are to me
you’re somebody’s favorite song.
you’re his midnight call.
you’re her bejewelled montage.
you’re my worldly redstring altar call.
you’re the reason why somebody smiles
you’re your mother’s secret surprise.
you’re your father’s esteemed prize.
you’re the one who makes her sigh.
you make jupiter draw to venus overnight.
you make the artist within this knight come alive.
reverent with duty, i tread towards my path
childish with want for things i can’t afford, i hit my covers and dream
of a lifetime with you
perhaps it is in these words, worlds
i’ll be alive with you
my eternal solace are these broken palaces of misty worlds of words.
oh isn’t that awful.
oh, that is awful.
still, i dream
of a future
where i take care of you and you see me
a world, just for us
and our accomplished dreams
still, i dream
a universe that bends to the story
a one that took her dear time
in writing the epilogue
of you and me.
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