truth is, i’m never here.

Grey sky

Grey noise

Grey heart

Grey voice

Unwittingly, I’ve carved a world I know nothing of

I am here, but I’m not. 

My mind is half lightning, half a dull fog

I know I have to do things 

Do big things, to not clock out

I try the material

but the outcomes are a frazzled static

A glass cage

I can see but I can’t have it

A dense cloud of perfected imperfection

Sometimes im a storm of light

But mostly, im drowning in murky waters

Staring at others light.

I don’t do this for anyone

Yet I feel the eyes

In these waters

It is tough to keep your eyes open 

When the world blurs your sight

Why is everything so simple for them

Yet mammoth like for me

An unbloomed lotus

Lost in something that doesn’t exist

Heavier in the land than in the water

I stare above

Can’t even breathe

I stare above

Wondering if the stars ever did listen to me

And I don’t know

In these waters

if this lightness is the absence of weight

Or the numbness of too much of it.

I don’t know whether I’ve lived

Or just existed